English project. Can you tell me if this poem looks okay, and help me edit it? - crashed sailboats pictures
The blue waves, foaming at the feet, sand between your toes, boys and girls at his side, a giant sand castle, which is finally destroyed by the waves to be built, candles swooshing boats in open water, the surfers in the big waves
I do not know how it ended and I'm not sure if it sounds good or not?
Please help, my first poem ever told the truth, and please give suggestions on what is best.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Crashed Sailboats Pictures English Project. Can You Tell Me If This Poem Looks Okay, And Help Me Edit It?
2 comments:
Sure Start is enough. Imagine described in another way, the "waves". They are a little exaggerated speech.
If I (and just because I am) I am the middle of a sentence:
"The children will build on his side to a huge sand castle, which eventually destroyed by the waves"
It is longer than the others and disrupt the flow a little. At least change "in which" only "that"
Even if I:
"Children building a sand castle, even when the tide creeps closer to the center"
It could also swooshing "to" Cut "or" cut ".
Finally, as "you" think of all the views of the beach?
If I:
"Your eyes slowly and close to admit:" It is much better than the British task "
Good collection of pictures, but there is little connective tissue.
If there is a sense, everything that I missed.
Perhaps the ocean surf / how a picture of life and time and surfers is
with its castles, destroyed the sand from him, but not clear enough.
You can also try with a bit of onomatopoeia
"Sailing through the sea of silver pipe, etc.
Post a Comment